Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Personal Responsibility

I've been trying to come up with a new post for a while...and it just hasn't been flowing. And when I say "it", I mean pretty much anything creative.

Lately, since about spring break up until the point school ended (about two weeks ago), I've been dealing with some health issues. This was a big one for me--a big stopper. I'm not confident enough to talk about it specifically, but this problem was a doozy. It inhibited me in nearly every aspect of my life, to the point where I felt like I couldn't ever hold a job. I felt limited everywhere I turned. But I digress--this is a story for another day.

The point is, now that that's taken care of, I feel like I can begin to focus on other aspects of my life. As I know I've blogged about, a big priority on my list of what I want to focus on next is reclaiming my body. Christa channels her journey to feeling beautiful (in God Loves Ugly) through her rounds with eating disorders and other self-destructive behaviors. My goal is to never dig my hole that deep. So here I am, pouring dirt back in. I'm taking responsibility for myself...or trying to, anyway. I realized I couldn't talk about feeling beautiful, if I didn't feel beautiful. For the most part, most days, I feel pretty good about myself (this fading perm is really doing a number though, geeeeez.), but I can't talk about it if I'm not actively doing something to make it so that I have more and more good days and less and less of the "other kind".

Tonight, I started small: I started drawing the blueprint for my "dream" house that I cobbled together from plans I found on the internet; my "ingredients", if you will. This, I suppose, got my creative mind a-workin'  and I started writing again! Before I knew it, I was 600 words deep and, at the moment, this shows no signs of slowing up. I even reached the point where I had enough to share it with my beautiful best friend (who is going through a fantastic journey of her own). I know that writing resolves some inner turmoil, some inner tornado that makes me crabby and leads to more not-good days if it's not calmed.

On the workout side: I've been failing. Another, probably bigger, aspect of my new personal responsibility plan. I started running when school first got out and lawd, could I tell a difference, even within the first few days! I ran for three weeks and then last week, just...fell off the wagon. I didn't feel like going one day and so I caved. I'd run every day that week and so I gave myself a day of rest. A day turned into two, three, four and now we're on like, day five. This sucks. I can't seem to make myself get back out there and pound some pavement. So after about two days zero-running, I figured I needed to do something, so I did a dance game we got on the Wii and some other workouts, actually targeting areas on my body that running doesn't. Mom and I have also started taking the dogs for walks at night. Starting small. (:

Our French exchange student comes tomorrow! She flies in at 12:30 in the morning, so we're headed down to the big city early for some quality time with the cousins. (: